|
PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL LIFESTYLE ADVICE COLUMN
Brenda Wehrman, Ph.D.
"THE GENEALOGIST"
Tongue Tied,
Apparently, we word-jumblers are
in good company. In the 1800’s an Anglican minister, Reverend William
Spooner, became reputed for his uncanny—and unintentional vocabulary
botch-ups. In honor of this great forerunner of sentence-scramblers, we
have invented a word for mixed-metaphors: “spoonerisms.”
For years, my family has
suggested I might be a direct descendant of this man.
There's a good chance my dyslexia should
also be factored. Once I meant to ask my computer-whiz son to hook the
printer up. Instead I asked him to “print the hooker up.” A teenager
just doesn’t need that kind of encouragement.
I sometimes wish I had the penchant to
sugarcoat my words like the following literary genius who was hired by a
certain Mrs. Newlyrich to work up an impressive family tree for her. When
the genealogist's research revealed that one ancestor had been
electrocuted for murder, he creatively wrote of that person: "Occupied the
Chair of Applied Electricity at one of our better known public
institutions. His death came as quite a shock."
Not all of us have the silver-tongue of
Mrs. Newlyrich's genealogist. Many of us have areas of deficiency we must
work hard to overcome. However, history attests to the fact, that, with
perseverance, people can overcome inherent difficulties. Did you know that
Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine? His parents thought he
might be retarded.
Judgmental souls say, "You made your bed –
now you must lie in it." Instead, let’s remind each other, "Take up your
bed and walk." With that kind of support, our limitations can become our
launching pads!
You may reprint this
and any other articles on this page for your online or print publication
after permission has been granted and so long as you
include each complete article and the following paragraph:
Brenda Wehrman, Ph.D.,
is a television and radio host, life-coach, expert
on leadership dynamics and author of numerous books available at:
www.ValYOU.org.
She is the founder of ValYOU, an international organization to help men
and women gain the liberty to live the life they deserve.
“The Light Bulb”
Dear Dr.
Brenda:
I know that I need to make some major changes in
my life – both personally and professionally. I fear the ramifications.
How can I gain the courage to move in the desired direction, regardless of
the cost involved? - Fearful
Fearful,
When electricity was first being introduced to a small Scottish village,
most everyone switched from propane lanterns to electricity just as soon
as it became available. One elderly couple invited their friends for the
festive event of their hook-up. The old man waited for it to get dark,
then told his wife to go turn on the switch. When she did, the light
filled the room and everyone cheered. The husband grinned from ear to ear,
picked up a propane lamp and said, "It sure makes lighting my lamps
easier." And with that, he lit a lamp and his wife turned off the
electricity.
Sometimes we're like that. We can't see the light for need to
hang on to the darkness of our past. We hear a lot about turning our
"lemon into lemonade," but the real reason many people still have a hard
time transforming their life into the one they really desire, is
because they don't see themselves as worthy of such merit. This leads to
self-sabotaging tendencies and mind-sets that hold them captive. Liberty
can only be experienced when we break free of destructive and hurtful
cycles. Freedom is found first internally - and then externally.
"THE MASK"
Dear Dr. Brenda,
I’ve always admired those who can truly be themselves. Yet I find myself
being consumed by what other people think about me . How can I relax and
embrace who I am, without bowing to pressure? - Concerned
Concerned,
A young girl
watched as her grandmother spread on a clay mask. “What are you doing?”
she inquired.
“Oh,
trying to look beautiful,” came the reply.
A few minutes later, the elderly woman took a cloth and began
to wash off the mask. Just then her granddaughter in the room and asked,
“So, are you giving up?”
Many of us
are allowing that little voice inside us to tell us we’re more attractive
to the world if we keep on a mask. We’re afraid to be seen for who we
really are; transparency seems too risky. But dear friend, don't give in
to fear and self-abasement. Take the “washcloth” of courage. Dare to be
true to yourself. Cleanse yourself of masks. Let the glory of your
genuine self shine through. No matter what anybody tells you, the real
beauty of your soul lies beneath the superficiality of showmanship and the
shadows of self consciousness. The radiant glow of a translucent
personality will bring forth something immensely resplendent: the
uniqueness of YOU.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
Dr. Brenda Wehrman
"THE RAINCOAT"
Banter Fodder,
Perhaps you’ve heard the
joke, “Your momma’s so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell,
'Taxi!'”
Some of us could benefit from an
internal raincoat as huge as the one “momma” wears. Figuratively, the
raincoat is like a mental protective barrier we need to wear to keep
negative criticism from drenching our souls with discouragement.
A balanced person knows that a
little rain in our lives helps us grow, but nevertheless, we still need to
take measures to protect the core of our being against an onslaught of
demeaning words. Secure individuals benefit most from criticism because
they can edit the hurtful and retain the helpful.
When we ValYOU ourselves we are not as
threatened by the "rain," because we know we love ourselves enough to keep
the core of our being tucked up in a huge “raincoat” of love. We can also
see the funny side of a confrontation. A secure person can deflect
negativity by incorporating a little modest self-abasement. Making jokes
about yourself strips your adversary of their power to intimidate you.
When a political opponent accused Abraham
Lincoln of being “two-faced,” the less-than-handsome lawyer from Illinois
replied, “I leave it to my audience to decide — if I had two faces, would
I be wearing this one?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE ROAD RULES"
James,
Road rules in Tokyo have come a long way towards simplifying what you can
and cannot do with your car. A few clear-cut rules seem to sum up the
essentials of traffic laws very compactly. If you think they still
need some improvement – you should have read them before!
* At the rise of the hand policeman, stop
rapidly.
* Do not pass him by or otherwise
disrespect him.
* Give big space to the festive dog that
shall sport in the roadway.
* Avoid entanglement of dog with your
wheel spokes.
* Beware the wandering horse that he shall
not take fright as you pass him by. Do not explode exhaust box at him.
* Press the braking of your foot
as you roll round the corner to save collapses and tie up.
A Japanese information booklet about using
a hotel air conditioner reads: “Cools and heats — if you want to adjust
condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.”
A sign over a shop owned by a little
too-confident Mexican, reads, "English well talking." Backing up the bold
declaration is another clincher, "Here speeching American!"
To some extent, we all speak different
“languages.” At the very least, we make deductions and interpretations
that may differ from a speaker’s original intent. When a lack of clarity
or misunderstanding becomes apparent, a dose
of humor goes a long way towards easing the tension.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE LETTER"
Scared,
A work environment merits cautious romantic commencement. Determine to
keep the personal and professional separate. Having said this, consider
inviting your love interest to something non-threatening like a movie and
while there, casually ask if she would mind if you hold her hand. The
direct approach is needful when you
want to convey your affection for those whom you love – regardless of
where you met them.
The story is told of a young couple who
lived in the 18th century and began seeing a lot of each other.
Sadly,
one day he moved to another city where finally he got up enough courage to
propose to the girl in writing. He worded the letter carefully, telling
her of his deep love for her, and asking for her hand in marriage. He gave
the letter to his brother to mail, then waited anxiously for her answer.
A week went by and no reply. Then two
weeks. His heart sank. When a month, then three months passed, he gave
up in utter hopelessness. A year went by. Thirty years passed by.
Eventually his brother died. Going through
his brother's discarded clothes, he came across the pocket of an old
overcoat in which something seemed to be lodged. Closer examination
revealed the letter of proposal he had written thirty years before. It
had never been mailed. His brother had forgotten it and it had fallen
into the lining, gone
unnoticed.
If you love someone – whether it be lover,
family or friends, tell them today. Don't wait until it's too late.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"The P's and Q's"
Post-Wino Will:
Alcoholism, like many other addictions, causes blind spots. A man who had quite a lot to drink, phoned
to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen my dashboard,
my steering wheel, my brake pedal, even my gas pedal!" the man cried into
his beer. However, before the police investigation could start, the man
called back and said, "Never mind. I got into the back seat by mistake."
Incidentally, did you know that in English
pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. In old England, when customers
got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and
quarts and settle down — hence the phrase, "Mind your P's and Q's." It's
harder to mind our P's and Q's than we'd like to admit at times. All of us
have various battles we are trying to conquer. This fact should help us
keep our self-esteem in tact when it is likely to be at its lowest. Be
kind to your soul. ValYOU.
Addiction takes many forms. For some it's
the more obvious: drinking, drugs or smoking. For others it is television,
shopping, work, sports or even talking. With mouths made for Triple Decker
sandwiches, these talkaholics find solace in speaking on and on and on...
Perhaps these addicts like many others, are attempting to fill up a deep
internal void.
Admitting there is a problem is half the
battle. We can only be strong when we recognize our weaknesses. Your
self-esteem depends first on inner honesty. Good for you for taking that
first step. It's truth that sets us free.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE GENIE"
Jenny,
A genie magically
appeared at a faculty meeting and told the dean that in return for his
unselfish and exemplary behavior, he would reward him with his choice of
infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean
selected infinite wisdom.
"Done!" said the genie who
disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Now, all heads turned toward the
dean, who sat surrounded by a bright aura. A long silence was finally
broken when one of his colleagues whispered, "Say something. What do you
know now that you did not know before?"
The dean sighed and said, "I
should have taken the money."
If you’re tempted to wish you
could have “taken the money” – rather than the kids, the days spent
slaving over a charitable project, the afternoons seemingly wasted in
casual summer conversation, the hours spent staring into a starlit sky,
don’t fret. Your life is richer for having tasted the resplendent
radiance of such pleasantries. You enjoyed creation. In doing so you
created joy.
Forgive blunders and forge
forward. Love you and your world with your whole heart. Open your arms to
ardor. Believe in the benevolence and beauty of others. Celebrate your own
— ValYOU.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE PUNCHLINE"
Blackmail Blues:
In an an attempt to wake up his sleepy
congregation, a young minister suddenly interrupted his sermon with the
rather shocking announcement, "I can remember when I was in the arms
of another man's wife!"
The divulgence got the expected response.
Everyone sat bolt upright in their pews. Not a single head continued to
nod. With a purposeful pause, the minister continued. "My mother, the wife
of my father, was holding me at the time," he added to
the
applause from the congregation.
The quick-wittedness of this young
minister impressed a visiting Bishop. Determining to use the story in the
future, the senior clergyman made a mental note to remember the especially
poignant remark. The right moment to unveil the attention-getter came
several weeks later. Before a vast congregation, the Lord Mayor, town
councilors and civil dignitaries, the Bishop stood in the cathedral.
Dressed in all his finery, looking every bit the dignified patriarch that
he was, the Bishop began with great aplomb, "When I was in the arms of
another man's wife..."
Then there was a long pause. Horrors! He
had forgotten the punch line. Hoping to get a few seconds reprieve, he
hurried on. "Just for the moment, I can't remember whose wife she was!"
As much as we would hate it to come at a
time like this, we all need a good case of selective forgetfulness. Love
does not hold another to ransom. That kind of forbearing grace extends far
beyond the borders of our relationships with other people –
it also includes the way we love
ourselves.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE INK"
Rigid,
It pays to not live one's life in
too exacting a manner. I have seen even the most rigid legalist change
previously touted rules to suit his or her whim at the time.
A Quaker heard a strange noise in the
night and, waking, found a burglar ransacking his kitchen. He took his gun
from beside his bed and aiming at the intruder, said: "Friend, I would do
you no harm for this world and all that is in it, but you are standing
where I am about to shoot."
We can give the most plausible answers
when our conscience puts our actions on the stand of our hearts. A judge
asked a man convicted of stealing, "Now tell me, why did you steal that
purse?"
The thief self-righteously replied, "Your
Honor, I was not feeling well, and I thought the change would do me
good."
Others of us struggle more with
condemnation than we do with our conscience. We have set up so many
must-dos and have-tos that they become like a legal minefield we must
stoically wade through in trepidation. This obstacle course saps us of
emotional energy, causing us to lose our creativity and inner joy. Most of
us worry about things in our lives which can not be altered.
A young boy brought home a report card
that didn't meet his parents’
expectations. After dinner, the father sat his child on his knee and said,
"Son, we're going to have to do something about these grades."
"We can't, Dad," the boy replied.
"They're in ink."
Lack of personal acceptance leaves us
sweating over life's unchangeables. You can however, shape the future.
Pick up the phone, call your kids. Be the parent to your children, be the
lover to your wife you really want to be.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE GAFFE"
Walking Catastrophe,
The following woman can undoubtedly
relate to you. She was snuggling down into a hot tub when she smelled
a distinct aroma. Remembering that one of her sons had left a cake baking
in the oven before heading out for soccer practice, she begrudgingly
emerged from her bath.
Clothed only in transparent bubbles, she
hightailed it down to the kitchen. As she turned to head upstairs, the
front door bell rang. Ahh, the package I've been expecting is being
delivered, she thought excitedly.
Waiting just long enough for the mailman
to drop the anticipated package by the door and get back in his van, she
opened the door. To her astonishment there stood the minister! And there
she stood without even a tea towel to hide her fast-turning red
flesh. By way of explanation the blundering woman offered, "Sorry, I
thought you were the mailman!" Realizing she was making the situation
worse, she thought she'd explain further by alluding to the package she
was anticipating, "You see, I was really looking forward to the mailman's
visit."
When in an awkward predicament, we
sometimes get ourselves into even worse ones. “The game of life is not so
much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well.” – H. T. Leslie.
Regaining one’s dignity and reputation
involves taking the time to communicate clarity. In their moment of
embarrassment, some people forget to add an explanation that would bring
much needed perspective. When appropriate, bring your own laughter into
the tense mix and others will similarly see the humor too. They will
ultimately admire your ability to swiftly defuse difficult situations.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
Dr. Brenda Wehrman,
Ph.D.
"THE OUTHOUSE"
Likely Ruined,
Desperate to experiment with what
was then a new release on the market, some playmates of an acquaintance
thought they would explore the walkie-talkie's possibilities for creating
some fun.
In a burst of creativity, one boy came up
with the bright idea to wire a walkie-talkie under the toilet seat of one
of the old long-drop outhouses that were situated side-by-side to
handle
a large camp in progress. With the heavy
traffic to and fro, they knew it wouldn't be long before they had their
victim in sight. Sure enough, along came a rather large woman scurrying
down the pathway (obviously in a desperate hurry to avail herself of the
less-than-glamorous bathroom facilities.)
Giving her just enough time to position
herself, the prankster dropped his voice a few decibels and put on the
most grown-up voice he could muster: "Madam, I'm not quite done painting
down here. Do you mind moving along to the next hole?"
The outhouse door flew open with a bang! A
frightful sight emerged. With her underwear around her ankles, the woman
scurried away as fast as the restriction would allow. Shuffling along, she
could be heard repetitively muttering to herself in shock, "He didn't see
my face. He didn't see my face."
So often, many of us jump to conclusions.
You sound overly concerned about the consequences of your oversight. The
moral of this ValYOU Vault is: don't automatically assume the
worst.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE OFFENCE FENCE"
Hands-Over-Ears,
My grandfather was the first white
man to enter cannibal territory deep in the jungles of Papua New Guinea's
Western Province — and come out alive! He later wrote of his sometimes
amusing attempts to explain foreign English terminologies to the natives
of Papua New Guinea.
I'm sure my granddad could have identified
fully with the British lecturer who tried to explain to a Papua New
Guinean crowd that a tax official had taken offense
at
being treated poorly. Unfortunately, the complexity of the English
language created some problems for the national interpreter. The ambiguous
words, "took offense" were taken as literally as they sounded. Turning to
the audience, the Papuan interpreter erroneously informed the
congregation, "So, running for his life, the official grabbed the fence
and took off with it!"
It's amazing what we can miss out on if we
don't understand what another is trying to say. Sometimes people are not
actually telling us how we should live our lives, but fondly reminiscing
about how they lived theirs. Allow them the luxury. Maybe right now, they
obviously desperately need the self-esteem boost. Offenses come about as a
result of people building unnecessary fences.
It is however, important to assess whether
a person is genuinely mean spirited or merely trying to help. Most of us
will tolerate badly chosen words if they are communicated from a heart of
love. But, we are not required to consistently spend hours with anyone who
is intent on harm. Reduce time spent with such people.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE WILLING BLONDES"
Uneducated by Comparison,
Percy Spencer, one of the greatest inventors, had just a third-grade
education. He invented the microwave oven. On the other hand, Albert
Einstein's 1926 design for a refrigerator was never manufactured.
If we adopt the
philosophy that everyone is ignorant — only on different subjects, we will
be less threatened by the facts and figures another knows. In my book,
The
Prisoner Potentate, I explain that, “Knowledge is a facilitator
towards success – It does not constitute success.”
Many of your
wealthiest entrepreneurs had little formal education. This is not to
negate the value of education. In fact, the truly successful
person
never stops learning. However, the lack of academic credentials must never
limit you. Neither should the acquisition of academic credentials form the
bases of your self-confidence. Mark Twain, a brilliant author who
advocated learning, also asserted, "I have never let my schooling
interfere with my education."
When contributing to
the world around us, we each bring the valuable discoveries, observations
and perspectives from our unique past. This awareness should make us all
both bolder and humbler.
Even the most pious
and educated amongst us have been known to make rather large foot-in-mouth
blunders. I wouldn’t be intimidated by these impressive looking and
sounding individuals. Why put anyone on a pedestal when he or she is
capable of committing the most atrocious slip-ups – as was the following
Methodist minister from Pennsylvania. He intended to use John Wesley's
Covenant Service on new Year's Eve; one line of which goes: "Let us bind
ourselves with willing bonds to our covenant God." Instead, he began with
great aplomb, "Let us bind ourselves with willing blondes."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
"THE BIRTHING LIGHT"
Distrusting:
A young couple was about to have their first child.
They called for the doctor and he arrived on the scene late at night, just
in time. It was before the days of electricity so the doctor instructed
the rather naive father to hold the lamp up so he could see.
A few minutes went by and a lovely baby son appeared in the
doctor’s hands. "Now hold that lamp over here closer. I think there may be
more," requested the doctor.
A few more minutes passed by and the baby boy was joined by
his twin sister! "Keep holding that lamp, Son," the doctor requested once
more. Again, another bouncing baby girl was born to the
couple.
"Wow!" exclaimed the taken aback young man, "Do you think the
light is attracting them?"
When the light of truth is held up in our hearts, we start
birthing all kinds of wonderful additions into our lives. Dare to be true
to yourself. Give that insistent inner intuition a voice. All too often,
we stifle what we know to be an exciting new step because we recognize it
will alter our lives significantly. Like many new parents, the father in
this story was overwhelmed by the reality of having not one – but three
babies to feed and clothe. Undoubtedly, twenty years later, he would be
grateful for the changes, challenges and joy brought by those precious
children.
What additions to your life are you holding at bay for fear
of the commitment involved? Are you thinking about starting a new career?
Would you like a little more education? Do you dream of writing a book?
Allow yourself the time to contemplate what you really want. Then, once
you have clarity, let the light of bold declarative statements and
meditative focus attract them into your life. Attention Press: To reprint these
articles, or future editions of Dr. Wehrman's syndicated column, simply
email ValYOU Syndicate
or call at (513) 753-0406 (Cincinnati, OH). Thank you for considering a
ValYOU column for your newspaper. |
You may reprint these articles on this page for your online or print publication after permission has been granted and so long as you include each complete article and the following paragraph:
Brenda Wehrman, Ph.D.,
is a television host, life-coach, expert on
leadership dynamics, and author of numerous books available at:
www.ValYOU.org.
She is the founder of ValYOU, an international organization to help men
and women gain the liberty to live the life they deserve.
GENERAL INFORMATION A The ValYOU Vault column is currently syndicated through Brenda Wehrman. All operations, including invoices and distribution, are handled electronically via e-mail. DISTRIBUTION: Each Monday, an email is distributed to regular subscribing newspapers with a new column attached for the following week. INVOICES: Invoices are sent out electronically through e-mail on the first business day of each month. RATES: Rates are determined by each newspaper's circulation numbers and typical budget for a column. Please email us with your information. EXCLUSIVITY: Once a newspaper becomes a subscriber, on a selected basis, we may grant limited geographic exclusives for newspaper syndication. ON-LINE PUBLICATION Dr. Wehrman permits newspapers to publish her column online free when injected occasionally as a filler, but asks that no more than four columns be active at any given time in a free online archive (with by-line and contact information readily visible as seen of the left. Members and/or subscriber-only archives are welcome to retain ValYOU Vault columns online, provided the byline is listed after each one. REPRINT PERMISSION: Please email us with proposed date of publication and the feature or article you want to print. If written permission is granted from the author, article and column re-prints must include the words, "Printed with permission by Brenda Wehrman & ValYOU Syndicate. Also please include the typical and most current by-line as seen on the left which includes author bio and contact information. Websites must include live click-through links. A copyright line will be required to appear next to the feature, if permission is granted. Unless otherwise agreed, the article and/or column must be printed in its entirety. * * * * * * * * * * *The ValYOU Vault content applies to both men and women readers. * * * * * * * * * * * Dwight Brown, Vice President of
Marketing at The Houston Chronicle, * * * * * * * * * * * According to an EditorsWeblog.org article (April 25, 2005), “Women are fleeing newspapers in droves. If present trends continue, 19 million women will drop their subscriptions in the next decade.” Noting that 80% of subjects in newspaper stories and 70% of their photos involve men but that women are the main readers for advertisements, an article in Rocky Mountain News insists that “As a bottom-line issue, it’s ’suicidal’ for the industry to overlook women." * * * * * * * * * * * CONFIDENTIALITY AND DISCLAIMER FOR CONTRIBUTORS: Please note that when submitting questions for the ValYOU Vault Q&A newspaper/email column, all personal details are kept completely confidential. To further protect the identity of our contributors, in some cases, details may be changed. Due to time and column space restrictions we cannot always guarantee a response. All questions become the property of ValYOU and typographical and grammatical errors may be corrected including shortening of questions if space is a consideration. When submitting a question, contributors agree to a disclaimer to protect both ValYOU and the newspaper. * * * * * * * * * * * We appreciate you
considering a If you are a newspaper reader, please contact your local paper, give them this link and ask them to make this inspirational column available to readers: * * * * * * * * * * * Below is a book which
containers some past articles now available
A special compilation of delightful and hilarious stories from around the world. Rejuvenate and recharge your ‘emotional’ batteries’ with an inspiring mix of infectious humor and enlightening anecdotes - all centering around the ValYOU concept. A self-confessed reformed perfectionist, Brenda Wehrman tells poignant tales that will brighten your day and lighten your perspective on life.This uplifting book provides renewed hope for those of us who are always shooting for the moon, but keep hitting a falling star! From years of accumulating amazingly funny, true incidents has emerged a book with rich wisdom and lots of laughter. You are sure to be entertained and encouraged. A refreshing break from the stuffiness and stress of life-on-the-run! This book is sensitively written to be broad spectrum in its appeal.
|
|
Home ValYOU Publications - Other Books By Dr. Wehrman
ValYOU P.O. Box 54111, Cincinnati OH, 45254, Email |
|
